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Dad was released from the hospital late this afternoon. Unfortunately, his pain level has increased dramatically since he's gotten home. I spoke with him a few minutes ago and he said his pain was a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10. He's never had pain like this. He usually says his pain is around a 4. They're thinking about going back up to the hospital but that's going to consist of an emergency room visit, which currently doesn't sound very appealing to dad. I'm not exactly sure what's causing the increased pain. They capped off the tube in his lungs today so it may be fluid buildup. It could be pain from the surgery. I really don't know. A nurse is supposed to come by the house some time tomorrow to teach mom how to drain his lungs using the tube. I'm not sure when she's coming so we may have to do something before she get's there. As you can imagine, things are a little scary for both mom and dad. Mom's continuously checking his blood pressure, which has been running extremely low over the last week. He had 4 blood transfusions last week to help raise the pressure. If you have donated A+ blood lately. Thanks! Mom's being cautious about increasing pain meds because usually it lowers his blood pressure. I'm not home. Craw's been pulling most of the night shifts with dad, staying by dad's side both day and night.

Dad has decided not to pursue new treatment options, deciding to focus more on quality of life. This decision did not come lightly, as you can imagine.

Dad really enjoyed visiting with all of you over the last week. As many of you know, he lives for his family and friends. He always has. It's only fitting that the people that mean so much to him and who have helped him and the family make it through the last 19 months are able to be with him in this most difficult time.
I realize it's not easy to see him in this condition, but I hope and pray the gentle, spiritual, peaceful energy that's surrounding him comforts you as it has me. I have no doubt your prayers have not only extended dad's life, but continue to work in many ways. Like I mentioned in earlier blogs, dad may have not been completely healed, but I have no doubt that miracles have been granted. I pray now that he not suffer. That if the "God of Nature", as the surgeon put it, decides to take him, he does it in a way that a man of dad's character deserves.

Unfortunately, I'm going to have to ask that calls and visits be kept to a minimum over the next couple of days as we move into the next phase of dad's treatment. Some tough decisions have to be made. As you can imagine, this is an extremely difficult time for the family. Dad's not feeling very good and he needs some rest. Mom's exhausted. Please respect my decision in making this request. Hopefully we'll have a new plan together by the beginning of next week which will allow visits to continue. Dad's not going to be happy that I put this on here, but he has a hard time telling people he's tired and needs a break. I just think both him and mom need some rest. Granted, if you really want to talk to him, please call or come by. Or feel free to call me.

Obviously, I hope dad pulls out of this. He's my best buddy. But some things are just out of our control. I've had some good talks with dad lately, as many of you have as well. In a way, he's in a win win situation. He would love to live longer, but he also would like to see his heavenly father as well as his own.

Things aren't always fun in life. I've slowly learned that over the years. There's always going to be a rough side of a mountain. Dad's always said that. But sometimes the trail gets a little wider and smoother. Dad's currently going up the rough side of the mountain but a lot of his trails have been smooth. We're not really sure how long dad has. The doctor quit making predictions after he realized he wasn't a psychic. But dad might just surprise us all. You never know.

I never would have thought, 19 months ago, that things would have turned out like this, or I'd be talking or thinking the things I do now. It's easy to get caught up in a routine where things that make you the happiest seem to slip away. I ask that you think about the things that make you happy and try and put them back in your routine.

Well,it's a little after midnight. I've got to go to bed. But I want to leave you with this. It's a statement that's on my fridge. It's been there a long time. A magnet my sister gave me years ago.

live with intention.
walk to the edge.
listen hard.
practice wellness.
play with abandon.
laugh.
choose with no regret.
continue to learn.
appreciate your friends.
do what you love.
live as if this is all there is.

-mary anne radmacher

Hope you have a good week,
Talk to you later,